by mariah estran
photo courtesy of dezi
Dezi’s friendly tone effortlessly escapes the cellphone speaker. Her copacetic nature filling the room with every thought divulged in the fourteen-minute phone call. “I honestly never considered doing anything else,” says the singer-songwriter, with no hesitation, when asked about her choice to pursue music. “It was just so apparent to me that this was what I was supposed to be doing.” That sure-fire attitude has come from several years of performing, and most recently, the release of the new EP, How to Leave a Lover.
“I actually started as a folk artist when I was younger,” she says. At eleven, she began singing live, then moved on to art schools, such as NYU, to hone that songwriting ability. But a lot has changed; she dropped those ultra-balladry beginnings. Now, her gentle vocals build into a rich chorus, amplified by electrifying beats and silky R&B chords. “I delved more into the pop realm of things,” says the singer. “With this being my first full project (How to Leave a Lover), a huge thing for me is stacking vocals – it’s my happy place. We built the rest of the production, kind of around that, with the influences of Fletcher and Lennon Stella.”
That state of content she mentions rings through the four tracks the EP holds. It feels accurately thought-out regarding production and inner-reflective lyricism. The project began after a breakup. A moment that had her striving towards a better state of mind as her music took a similar journey. Collaborating with producer Florio, she entered an environment where her emotions could live unrestricted. “Working with him was very therapeutic. We naturally started writing songs about that (breakup),” she says. “It was me and him fully diving in. It was amazing because I feel like I couldn’t have gotten this sound that I did without him.”
As Dezi walks through her time making the record, she laughs, poking fun at how she once substituted therapy with songwriting. That is a general statement many creatives have once uttered. However, for Dezi, she could not ignore the whirlwind of feelings heartbreak can conjure. Once the development for each track began, the singer analyzed whether she could accept her reality. “The EP is very much, ‘I’m over you, I’m moving on,’” she says. “When I wrote it, I was not in that headspace at all. I was still very much in love; I was trapped in that cycle. I look at it as I was manifesting where I wanted to be. I want to write a song, wake up, and not miss him for the first time.”
When you listen to the record yourself, you’ll get to a track that exposes those raw memories. “Clueless” transitions from gloomy rain sounds to an old voicemail that the singer had saved from her ex. “That was the song – I don’t really cry much, but that was the song, we put the voicemail on it, and it brought tears to my eyes,” she describes. The close-to-four-minute ballad builds to a moment of fruition as violins depict the light at the end of the tunnel. “When recording the vocals, something about it hit. It was very cathartic,” Dezi explains. “It was very much like, ‘okay, you don’t have a clue, you’re clueless, and that’s okay because I am letting go, and it’s going to be gone.’” Adding that while looking back at the EP, she’s finding that “Clueless” is her most honest song. Except, sincerity is thread through the record. Expressing those ups and downs led her to rediscover her confidence. The strength to do what she knows she does best – music.
“The biggest thing for me, honestly, was finding confidence in my music and my voice as an artist," Dezi says. Then further elaborating that she went on quite a long hiatus before this release. There was a focus on songwriting for other artists, but by 2020, she knew it was time to get back into her own. “The growth that I have gone through is very apparent to me,” the artist affirms. In the past, her music was searching for approval, hoping to be something people would love. Fortuitously, things have changed, and you can feel it in the music. “I’m very proud to get to a place where I was making music that represented what I wanted to say. I think the biggest thing is the confidence and making the music for me, rather than searching for validation.”
The newfound self-assurance is here to stay. A nickname for How to Leave a Lover is, appropriately, called “The Sad Bitch EP,” and she’s moving towards the outcome she manifested in the initial stages. “I call the next release of singles my ‘Bad Bitch’ EP,” she shares, with excitement reverberating from her words. “For me, it’s the shift, ‘oh, I was so sad’ to ‘oh, I feel chaotic.’ I just wanna kiss people, I’m feeling myself, it’s summer, I am through this breakup, and I feel good about myself.” And of course, there’s an upcoming song titled “Bad Bitch.”
In April, she hinted at the release of a music video by posting to Instagram. Dezi, in an all-white bodysuit, completed with dramatically fringed gloves, the image caption read: “might mess around and drop a music video soon.” The badass era is here, and it starts with her new video for “Sinner.” It’s a track that has been in her arsenal for a couple of years, and it has quickly become one of her favorites. In August 2020, after a few months of self-isolation, she filmed with a group of artists after proper precautions. “I kind of see it as a point that I felt creativity coming back. Being in a creative space with other people was so amazing. I think that’s why the music video ended being great. I’m super excited about it. It’s just me being my Bi-self.”
There is no doubt she is in her element. The singer has picked herself up, transforming into an artist she thoroughly enjoys. Heartbreak happens, but so does finding yourself once again. The portrayal of that story made her work relatable to those on the outside. “The ‘Sad Bitch’ EP, I feel very lucky, I’ve had people reach out to me that I didn’t know saying: ‘this is helping me through a breakup,'" she mentions while finding her final words for the interview. “If my experience can help anybody, through anything, whether that be a breakup or listening to ‘Bad Bitch,’ and being like, ‘yeah, I feel myself.' If it can speak to anybody, in any way, or if someone wants to dance to it, that’s enough for me.”